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I was told to arrive at the hospital at 8 a.m., and by 8:30 I had IVs running. I remember being transferred to the OR table. I remember going to sleep. The next thing I remember is hearing my surgeon say, "Cut deeper. It takes a lot of force to get an eye out, and you've really got to pull. Pull harder."

And I thought, "Oh my God. I need to tell them that I'm awake. I need to scream or talk or something." And yet I knew that no sound was coming out of my mouth. And in more and more panic, I began to say, "I've got to move my head. I've got to move my head -- move a finger." And I knew that nothing was moving. I was as alert and as awake as I am right now.

And I actually saw everything go black when they cut the optic nerve. And just wishing I could die. I didn't care. I just wanted off that table. I was willing to sell my soul.

It is really worse than a kidnapping, a building collapsing on you, because in those cases you can at least scream or scratch. But when you're totally paralyzed, you can't do anything. You are in a body that is dead.

I'm certainly not the person I was before this happened. I sleep in a chair. I cannot lie down; it's like being on the operating table. I'm six and a half years into it now, and it does not go away.

Producer: Matthew Ozug / Executive Producer: David Isay / Funding provided by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and the National Endowment for the Arts.

"Paralyzed" premiered June 19, 2004, on Weekend Edition Saturday. Copyright © 2004 Sound Portraits Productions. All Rights Reserved.

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This piece is available in the following audio formats [3:50 min]:
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		intro
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		Anesthesia Awareness Campaign, Weihrer's organization
		History of lethal injection, from the Death Penalty Information Center

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